Thursday, August 4, 2011

All About My Cock

I can not tell you the endless fun I have discussing my new pose.* I'm fairly certain the only reason I keep practicing the pose is to continue discussing its progress, or lack there of. That's not even a disparaging remark. I enjoy discussing either it's progress or it's stagnation; either way, I get into the most wonderfully inappropriate discussions that only myself or a 12 year old boy would find amusing. Endlessly amusing. Even when I try to keep it clean, the conversation results in gales of laughter (exclusively from me, I think everyone else has long since tired of the cock talk).

Example conversation I had last week:
Me: Have you ever found that if you aren't sufficiently sweaty you can't push up because your knees stick to your arms?
Yogi B: Are you asking if I have problems getting my cock up?


The thing is, I really DO have problems getting my cock up. If there is no sweat, my knees grind into my arms and all the tummy muscles in the world won't lift my lotus more than a grasshopper's kneecap from the ground. This led me to a shameful act.** It might have been the result of all the innuendo being thrown around, but after one particularly difficult practice at home, (I swear, I was getting a rash on my forearms) I went to the bathroom, pulled out the jojoba oil and rubbed some on my arms. Yes, you can say it out loud with me, I lubed my cock to get it up.

I think that might be my magnum opus with this pose. It is not likely I will have a more beautiful experience than looking my yoga teacher in the eye and saying, "Please help me, I can't go on stage and show the judges a greased cock."

* For those of you just joining us, I am learning 'cock' pose for the Asana Championships. This is essentially lotus being lifted by your extended arms.

**I really want to add the words, "with my cock." I know this is unnecessary verbiage but, like that Chinese fortune cookie game where you add the words, "in bed" to the end of your fortune, I find, "cock" makes every sentence regarding this pose more amusing.

4 comments:

  1. I love the drawing of your cock!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you, dear. I enjoyed drawing my cock. And talking about my cock. And, the obvious, doing cock.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dear Kate,

    I WILL NEVER BE TIRED OF YOUR COCK (stories).

    Regards,
    JCP

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'll report back here when you're booted from the yoga competition for greasing, like a baseball pitcher greasing a pitch.

    ReplyDelete