Thursday, January 10, 2013

Introducing the R&B Cleanse

I have invented a new diet. I expect it to be all the rage. Angelina Jolie will be singing its praise in Vogue by the end of the month. Am I a dietitian? No. Do I know if it has any medical benefits as opposed to the diets already out there? No. Is it really just a cleanse that I am too lazy to do properly? Yes.

I don't think that really matters. It's weird and has a catchy name: R&B. Hollywood will eat it up.

This is how the R&B diet came about:

I was attempting my first juice fast when I realized I do not own a juicer. No problem, smoothie fast.
Day 1 of my smoothie fast: Yum. But I realized I had leftover cheesy pasta. I hate food going to waste. I'll just finish it up real fast.

Day 2 of smoothie fast: I feel like I am just shoving whatever I can find into a blender. This inspires an idea, Can't I just shove a steak into the blender? I mean, technically that would still be a smoothie.

I don't purée a steak, but I decide maybe there isn't much difference between my smoothies and salads anyway. So I eat a few salads. I decide "raw" is a much better way to describe my diet. I mean, aside from that cheesy pasta.

Day 2, 12th hour of my raw diet: I don't have nearly enough seeds in the house to make anything remotely appealing and it is too cold outside to gather nuts from the grocery store 30 feet from my house. I spot the chocolate covered banana in my freezer. The banana itself is raw; it's just the chocolate that isn't. I peel most of the chocolate off, then procede to pick at the chocolate pieces. Close enough.

Day 2, 16th hour of my raw diet: I decide that I should have planned better, stocking up on nuts and spirolina like a squirrel before winter. I am so tired I am ready for bed at 4pm. I decide randomly that I must not be getting enough protein. I decide beans are okay. I make a salad with spiced beans. I eat the whole can. The R&B diet is born: Raw + Beans.

Day 3: I figure these are supposed to be short-term cleanses anyways and decide to let myself off the hook. If I can make it raw (and beans) for the rest of the day I will consider this cleanse a success.

I make it until 8pm. Good enough.

Contemplating the Nature of Leaves


  1. I do this routine every 1 to 2 weeks.

    1. HA! And here I was thinking I was coming up with something new. ;)

  2. GIRL - I saw your name pop up on USA yoga and now I am eagerly awaiting your next blog update!

    1. Thank you! I am more than a little shocked. Nationals were so far off my radar that I've had to cancel a trip so I can go to NY. Will I see you there?!?!?

      And thanks for saying something, it kicked my butt into gear about polishing the post so I could post it!

    2. Yep! Lord help me, I got first place for RI this past Sunday, so I will see you there in less than 5 weeks! I'm a bit apprehensive about this whole shebang, but it will be fun to see everybody. :)

    3. Congrats!!! I hope in all the hub-bub I get to meet you face-to-face! I don't have the red streak anymore, so maybe the next best identifier is the tiger tattoo on my left arm or the leopardess on my back. Yeah, I have a thing for big cats. :P

      I'm more than a wee apprehensive but my good friend just keeps telling me to, "just maintain" and that calms me. It reminds me that I'm not trying to accomplish miracles up there, just being still will be an accomplishment.

    4. If I can "just be still" that WILL be a miracle!! Haha.... I will look for you!