Introducing the R&B Cleanse

I have invented a new diet. I expect it to be all the rage. Angelina Jolie will be singing its praise in Vogue by the end of the month. Am I a dietitian? No. Do I know if it has any medical benefits as opposed to the diets already out there? No. Is it really just a cleanse that I am too lazy to do properly? Yes.

I don't think that really matters. It's weird and has a catchy name: R&B. Hollywood will eat it up.

This is how the R&B diet came about:

I was attempting my first juice fast when I realized I do not own a juicer. No problem, smoothie fast.
Day 1 of my smoothie fast: Yum. But I realized I had leftover cheesy pasta. I hate food going to waste. I'll just finish it up real fast.

Day 2 of smoothie fast: I feel like I am just shoving whatever I can find into a blender. This inspires an idea, Can't I just shove a steak into the blender? I mean, technically that would still be a smoothie.

I don't purée a steak, but I decide maybe there isn't much difference between my smoothies and salads anyway. So I eat a few salads. I decide "raw" is a much better way to describe my diet. I mean, aside from that cheesy pasta.

Day 2, 12th hour of my raw diet: I don't have nearly enough seeds in the house to make anything remotely appealing and it is too cold outside to gather nuts from the grocery store 30 feet from my house. I spot the chocolate covered banana in my freezer. The banana itself is raw; it's just the chocolate that isn't. I peel most of the chocolate off, then procede to pick at the chocolate pieces. Close enough.

Day 2, 16th hour of my raw diet: I decide that I should have planned better, stocking up on nuts and spirolina like a squirrel before winter. I am so tired I am ready for bed at 4pm. I decide randomly that I must not be getting enough protein. I decide beans are okay. I make a salad with spiced beans. I eat the whole can. The R&B diet is born: Raw + Beans.

Day 3: I figure these are supposed to be short-term cleanses anyways and decide to let myself off the hook. If I can make it raw (and beans) for the rest of the day I will consider this cleanse a success.

I make it until 8pm. Good enough.

Contemplating the Nature of Leaves