Days of HTML

My last three days has been staring at code. I am not a programer.
I have found my own personal hell. 

OMG Hot! Don't Panic! (or do, but then stop)

The heat isn't a big deal...until it is. At first you notice your sweat has made its debut unusually early to the class. You return focus to your breath and keep going, maybe a little more cautiously. By the end of eagle pose hysteria has taken hold and you are absolutely positive that you can see your heart-beat in your chest. And your big toe. And the rest of the room. Oh, god! Your eyeballs are beating! You sit down.

Focusing on your breath becomes near impossible with all the heart-beating around the room but you try anyway. Then your impending death occurs to you and you start to question your life choices. Especially that one about going to Bikram Yoga. The rest of the class is spent laying on your back, with an internal monologue that could win a Oscar drowning out the teacher.

So when this spiral starts, don't panic. You have your towel safely beneath you.* Be aware that this is a common spiral and that this is why you are here. Some days you get to work your edge on the physical posture some days you get to work your edge on the mental posture. Congratulations, you are having a doozy of a day for mental improvement!

Some days your ability to focus is helped by the heat, some days, you are fighting it. That is okay. In fact, it's good. Liken this situation to any other stressful situation:

You get in a fight with someone very close to you. During the course of the fight, emotions run high, voices get raised. Eventually, you are seriously contemplating putting your fist through his or her jawbone. The rest of the room just falls away. You don't hear the argument anymore, what you hear is your internal monologue telling you what a horrible, spiteful, fool this other person is. 

Feels kinda similar to what you just felt in the room, doesn't it? It is. Your mind has gone waaaaay off track and is working against you. You need tools to steer it back on course, to slow it down and to make the escalation stop.

The controlled stress of the room puts you in a safe environment (nobody is judging you, trained experts are watching you, and there is an emergency phone, coconut water and air conditioning 5 feet away) where you can experience intense mental pressure and learn, safely, to work through it.

So when you start to spiral, take a breath and start talking yourself down from the spiral. With enough practice in the room you will get good at it out of the room. The DMV, fights with family, when the landlord neglects to mention that the fumes from the work he's doing to the first floor of your building on Christmas day will be so bad that you have to huddle under a pile of blankets on your couch with the windows open fearing for each dying braincell in your poor cat (maybe I could use a little more work myself), will get much easier to manage.

Not fair. You have a fur coat.

*42. If you don't get the joke by now, please get off the internet. I say that for your own protection. I am afraid 4chan may eat you alive.

Blog Statistics

Google Analytics is a powerful marketing tool. When used in conjunction with my business site I can see how people find me, track their journey through the site and scrutinize how long viewers are perusing my portfolio pages.

When used in conjunction with my yoga blog I can see that the number one search term that leads people to Yoga Badassery is, "farting in yoga class." Followed closely behind by, "do people fart in yoga class." An equally high number of Yoga Badassery readers use more concise language and search simply by the words, "farting during yoga."

What? People do that during yoga?!

I am thrilled and honored, although not surprised, that people come to me looking for such high-brow humor. In an effort to further increase my SEO I submit the following:

• fart
• flatulence
• poot
• pass wind
• wind removing
• message from the interior

Google Analytics also shows the search words, "peeing during hot yoga" has lead someone here. Whoever typed that one in, welcome. I sincerely hope that search was not post-experiential.

And Sometimes You DON'T Fall Down

My sister, brother-in-law and twin nephews drove from DC to New York City to surprise me at nationals. They missed my performance by a mere 20 minutes because I went on early. I don't mind because she didn't mind. I got to hang out with them either way, so I'm happy (Thanks guys! Love you!).

The reason I was early was because nationals was running late.

Nationals were running an hour behind when I checked to estimate what time I would be on. A three-minute routine is a three-minute routine so I figured we were safely on track to continually run later. They couldn't ask people to change to a two-minute format half-way through the event. I added the number of females before me at three-minutes each with a half-hour break that I would be first after, and figured I had roughly two-hours. Plenty of digestion time.

I ran across times square and grabbed a bag of disappointingly bland wasabi peas and some tea. I carried them up to the fifth floor, an area of the adjoining hotel we had taken over, and settled down with a good book.

I was holding a handfull of peas at an 80 degree angle, letting them roll into my upturned mouth, when an organizer, Griffin, appeared at the foot of my couch. "You're on next."

I nearly spit my peas.

Instead, I pushed them into my cheeks like a squirrel holding nuts and shouted, "But I'm EATING!"

Can you come back at the end of the chapter, please?

While they could not change three-minute routines to two-minute routines, they could eliminate breaks to push everything quickly forward. I had neglected to consider that option.

I scooped my belongings into my arms. Peering over the pile to my phone, barely grasped by my fingertips, I texted The Boy, "Schedule change. Up next." We headed down the elevator, bypassing the warm-up room, which I had no time for, to the stage.

My devoted coach, Jessica Rask, and the lovely MJ were calmly filing people on stage; giving a quick hug, words of encouragement, laughter, or a quick nod, each according to the competitor's temperament.

Panic-stricken, I confronted my coach with a singular sentence I hoped encompassed both my unpreparedness and the current affliction I would have to cope with, "I was EATING!"

She calmly looked back, "Kate, you are ALWAYS eating."

Each according to the competitor's needs. I laughed. She laughed. It didn't matter. Part of the mastery of yoga is a mastery of your own breath, your own calm. Slow your breathing, calm your mind. I ran through the mental check-list of things that needed to be done before going on stage. I had lotion still on my leg and hand. I was directed to a sink backstage. I lifted my leg into the sink and soaped it off. I hugged Jessica, hugged MJ, rolled my shoulders back, smiled into the bleaching white of the stage lights and walked on stage.

I am very proud of my performance. My postures rocked, and by that I mean that they teetered, weebled, wobbled, but I did not fall down! I brought none of the seven poses to what I am fully capable of. I forgot to announce the first three entirely,* which I think means that they can't score them at all. But I came off that stage BEAMING. I did it. I competed in nationals, a feat I never thought myself capable of.

Please, when you set out to accomplish something, give yourself credit for the effort. Try something new. Be proud of the effort before you evaluate the shortcomings. No matter how flawed, the attempt itself is glorious.

* Coach and I laughed about that later. I remember very clearly getting into floor bow and thinking, "Hey, this is going really well! Wait...isn't there supposed to be sound?"

Nationals Approach!

The USA Yoga Federation's National competition is in just a few days. I will be leaving in less than 24 hours and make it to the NYC theater (if my good luck with Southwest Airlines holds) within minutes of registration closing.

One of the beautiful yogis that is sure to do amazing things at nationals, Roxanne Janecki (drawn above), posted this on Facebook just before leaving yesterday for nationals:

All packed up and ready for NYC. This year's USA Yoga National Asana Championship is going to be awesome! 2013, you really are proving to be a memorable and extraordinary year for me. I already have so much to be grateful for and the opportunity to demonstrate my yoga, connect with friends new and old, and to take a moment to reflect on and appreciate all that is and all that was, is icing on the proverbial cake. I'm ready for a week filled with yoga, friends, love, and lots of good times. In the the words of my favorite Living Legend, "How great and glorious is my life?" Time to get on the road with the best partner a girl could ask for.

See what I mean about these yogis? So balanced, so centered.

In the meantime, I am not packed and keep thinking, "OMG OMG OMG OMG! WHEEEEE!!!!! OMG OMG OMG!"

I am experiencing a roller-coaster ride. I'm having a blast but with the distinct impression that I am barely holding on.

My goal for my three-minute routine is firmly in place: BE STILL. And through my flurry of activity from now until my three minutes of slow movement, punctuated by perfect inner and exterior stillness, I will remember to be thankful for whatever I accomplish, what I have accomplished, and what is yet to come because something amazing is happening.

PS For those who would like to watch the championships they will be streaming live on USA Yoga's site. I am told I will be on after the 5:30 break on Saturday, March 2. But be forewarned that these events are about as organized as 52 card pick-up because yogi herding is more complex than cat herding. So times, although presented as fact, are merely a suggestion.

MJ And The All-Stars

I am privileged. Not just, "white American" privileged, but like, "must have been the dalai lama in the last life" privileged. I have an un-imaginably wonderful boyfriend, family and friends. All of whom are also astoundingly interesting people. Doing what I love (graphic design) provides me enough money to live in Chicago, my city of choice, while also leaving me enough time to do other things I love, like yoga.

To top it all off, I have just returned from St. Louis where I had six days of amazing yogi camaraderie. My teacher hosted a group of national competitors (some slated to go to internationals) and Mary Jarvis, a teacher with 29 years of experience with Bikram yoga, for a week of intensive learning and preparation that I refer to as, "MJ and the All-Stars."

Being notified that I could attend was like getting a golden ticket to be backstage at The Oscars; if I liked movies, or TV, or whatever it is that The Oscars promotes. Watching the list of attendees grow I got more and more awestruck…and nervous. I wasn't sure if I could keep up. Nobody expected me to, not even me, but I still wanted to match everything they did, backbend for backbend, push-up for push-up.

I pictured myself on day one trying to pull off a casual, "Uh, you guys keep going. I forgot I left a Tofurkey in the oven…in Chicago." as I slipped out the door.

I am pleased to say that I only missed one round of push-ups the whole week and that was only because I was too busy talking to a new friend to notice that everyone was already in the next set. The scene could have easily been me as a 10 year-old kid at summer camp; too excited about all the new stuff and people to focus on the task at hand.

The beauty of the training was that, like the Bikram Beginning Series, it was equally challenging yet manageable for myself and the h.o.b.* yogis. Or at least I think so. Really, it was hard to tell through all the smiling.

So, now that I have attended the Yoga-Oscars I will proceed to the movie-set itself, the nationals. I am eagerly looking forward to seeing everyone again. Unlike movie stars, when you get to know the All-Stars as actual people the magic isn't ruined, it's deepened. I find it hard to believe that some of these people exist. They are like more patient, kinder, more flexible and stronger versions of humans -- the personality equivalent of tiger-scorpion. And like tiger-scorpion, I'll get there too, I just need time and yoga. A LOT of yoga.

* head-on-butt

Yoga & Competition

No matter the company, when I mention that I am a competitor in the Asana Championships the temperature in the surrounding room drops. From yogis who do not compete I have instantly become a viper, waiting to lash out and poison their practice with my egotistical Western ways. From non-yogis, I get confused stares. Sometimes I am lucky and the person asks, "How does that work?" While the question itself is phrased to inform me that I have obviously missed the point of yoga, I am eager to explain. It is far preferable to the judgement that hangs in the air unspoken when people don't ask.

Like yoga itself, yoga competition originated in India (according to the USA Yoga Federation, there have been asana championships in India for 2000 years) and are common (daily, according to the same source). While frequency does not make something right, it does relieve the competition from the burden of being, "Western," a word spit with spite from many yogis mouths. Many have nurtured an opinion that all Western thought is egocentric, while all concepts generated from Indian Gurus are sacred and the path to enlightenment. In the words of my dear friend and teacher, Aura, "Not all things in India are beautiful."* 

With the misinformation out of the way, I challenge you to look not at the words' juxtaposition, but only at competition itself. I believe it is actually this word that makes people's skin crawl. 

Let me use an internet meme to illustrate. 

The word, "competition" is derived from the Latin word, "competere," meaning "to strive in common." You band with other yogis to strive together, to support each other, to rejoice in growth, to bitch about how much your buttocks hurts.

There is a goal, certainly, and some people will come closer to reaching that goal than others. But everyone competing benefits. Winning itself is not the goal, merely to attain the closest proximity to perfection one can. Which, for me, is about like standing on a piece of paper to get to the moon. I do try to stack my little pieces of paper with each competition though. 

If you are questioning why would I do that knowing I will forever be so far from the goal, your focus is in the wrong place. It's not the winning, it's the striving that matters. For three months (6 months this year due to a schedule fluke) I dedicate myself as intensively as I can to my practice. For those months coaches and friends form a 360 degree support net for me. It takes a lot of dedication, a level of dedication I can not commit to year round. The training becomes a bit like a meditation retreat, or a detox program -- sometimes those are part of training. 

This support system is essential because there are so many days you just don't feel strong enough. Sometimes it's emotional, sometimes it's physical, sometimes you just have a case of the fuckits. For the days you just can't bring yourself to do backbends you have a friend willing to be strong for you…or just guilt you into it. You have a coach willing to say when you've gone too far, or when you haven't gone far enough. You allow your postures and mind to be open to intense scrutiny in the interest of becoming a better yogi.

So why not do all the work without a 'competition?' 

The final 3 minute demonstration offers closure at the end of an intense period of change. A culmination of all the emotional, spiritual and physical growth you have worked for. A time for you to acknowledge your hard work and give thanks to your support system, and yourself, for all that work. It is a beautiful release and intensely emotional. So intense, in fact, that I usually end up getting a wee snookered with my support system afterwards. I mean let's be honest, improved, yes, perfect, no. 

* She made this very pertinent remark after we both watched a documentary on pilgrimages in India. A man had left his family to reside with a guru. I was horrified, in that society the man essentially left his family to starve. She was pointing out the beauty of belief.

PS All that being said, much to my surprise, I managed to place this year (don't ask how I pulled that off, I'm in shock myself) and am going to compete in New York in a month. I am snowboarding in MT next week but will post all my adventures as they happen when I get back. I get to train with Mary Jarvis and a bunch of yogis I have total ga-ga eyes for, like Allan and Gianna and Zeb. I'm calling that week of training, "MJ and the All-Stars (+Kate)!" If they're cool with it, I'm going to blog about my experience with them.